An ice pick through an eye, while barbaric,
is admittedly a rather elegant solution.
I can’t even begin to imagine
what series of little feats
of human ingenuity lead to such a brilliant
(and effective) idea that poking one’s eye
until you reach their brain, and then
mushing said brain around a bit,
like some fucking dry martini,
would do any good.
If you were ever taught
that everything happens for a reason –
Come on now, forget it. Ain’t how it’s done
around here. Your gods
are incompetent pretentious
just like you and I.
But hey: some of the most beautiful things in life
are happy accidents. Sound familiar?
Of course it does. Folksy wisdom is a limited resource.
Read a couple of my poems published in Vending Machine Press Issue 11!
Tiny Zaps to Your Already Electric Brain
I want to have known the term
Before myriads and myriads of
Tiny zaps permeated
Parts of my brain not covered
In Grade 11 Bio
When your beast slowly walked over to me,
All covered in ozone, all
Wolf-dog like, panting after
A recent kill, his first one in years.
I wanted to listen to
The rustling of the dog’s heart through his fur.
I placed my ear right against
His carotid. So much white noise.
We may have been biting on different tongues,
But it wouldn’t have mattered
Anyway – we were going
So later you asked me if
I had an electric brain
And a heart apparatus.
So maybe I’m full of shit
But I think I now know the correct terminology:
Loving you is as easy
As pissing on my own two fingers.
Her fossils were never enough to fuel a starship
But they were pretty,
Polished and well-kept,
And almost complete,
Except for the tusks.
It’s been widely theorized –
We believed –
That the tusks had been removed after
Her death as a show of respect,
Perhaps an ancient human ritual
Lucille’s parts would live on as intricate decorations in human houses
Far, far, far away
From her rancid decomposing corpse.
We are dreamers.
to take control into my own bare hands,
I scooped a seed out of a sweet lemon,
Lemon with rind that I thoroughly enjoyed chewing.
I put that seed into a little pot,
And watered it for weeks.
Three anticlimactic weeks passed,
and finally a little plant appeared:
Green, cute, fresh.
I keep watering it.
It keeps growing bigger,
And bigger, and bigger.
It’s all going according to plan.
Take that, life!
Going to make my own damn lemons
(in a few years)
if I manage to overcome my own curiosity
to dig the little buddy out,
risking its short and uneventful life.
Curiosity to know what exactly it looks like beneath the surface.
At the surface,
milk congregates as a disgusting film.
The buttery yellow of this film, the sweet
scent of the ivory liquid’s broken down sugars,
the whisper of boiling bubbles,
they all sure do mock you with the potential
of oral pleasures.
Don’t blame yourself –
you simply lack the necessary information, like
the fact that the film’s underbelly
is a slimy, sticky, decomposing jellyfish.
So you’ll try it once.
“UGH that’s gross!!!”
I’m laughing at your misfortune –
I really shouldn’t be. The only reason
why I didn’t get seduced –
I’d been force-fed it as a child,
I guess they wanted to teach us early on that life is full of shit.
I mean “surprises”.
At the surface, the milk congregates as a disgusting film.
You quickly and gently peel it away these days.
Now here is your favourite part –
the way it sticks to the roof of your mouth.